Don't Make Me Come Over There
by Footnote
Summary: This is a comedy that actually makes sense without pointless OCs. I was inspired by macaoroni and cheese. You have been warned. R/R ^_^ R for a few bits of language.


Don't Make Me Come Over There  
  
By Footnote  
  
Duo Maxwell stood in his kitchen stirring up some macaroni and cheese when his good ol' buddy, Heero Yuy sauntered through the unfinished wall type doorway.  
  
"Whatcha makin'?" Heero sniffed the air cautiously.  
  
"Macaroni and cheese," Duo replied, himself giving the air a wary sniff.  
  
"Did you burn it?"  
  
"Nope."  
  
"You sure?"  
  
"Yep."  
  
"Then what's that smell?"  
  
"It certainly ain't mama's home cookin'." The unexpected voice started the two boys as they whipped about to see Zechs' smiling face from the other doorway. "I can tell you that much."  
  
Duo snorted, "You have been living in America way too long, pal."  
  
Zechs smirked in return, "Hey, I like it here. Besides, Noin does too." The blonde man seemed to be kinda dazed for a moment before snapping back to reality.  
  
"Dear lord. I have never seen such a bad case," Duo muttered to Heero just loud enough for Zechs to hear.  
  
"Bad case of what?" Zechs asked before leaving the kitchen.  
  
Duo laughed at him while poking the weirdly watery macaroni, "She's got you whipped, boy!" His voice was high and mocking as only a true American's would be in that situation.  
  
Zechs smugly popped his head back around the corner, his classic smirk painted on his face, "So what if she's got me whipped?" Duo dropped the steak knife he was using as a stirrer and turned to look at him, open- mouthed and awed. Heero stifled a cold-hearted snigger.  
  
"So what? SO WHAT? I'll tell you so what! You are going to lose every bit of male dignity you've ever achieved just because of some girl?" Duo was walking towards the older pilot now.  
  
Zechs' face was no longer amicable, "Noin is not 'some girl,' she's my girl. Plus, if you want to talk about 'male dignity,' you look pretty damn masculine in an apron and oven mitts with little pink flowers on them." Duo stopped in his tracks, both literally and figuratively. Heero's stifled snigger erupted in a crazed guffaw for a moment. The Lightning Count, pleased with his victory turned to leave before the God of Death once again stopped him.  
  
"Just one more thing, Mr. Merquise."  
  
"What do you wa--" Zechs was cut off as Duo popped spoonful of macaroni into his mouth. He spit it out immediately.  
  
"Holy mother of fruitcake, what the hell was that shit!?"  
  
"It was just macaroni and cheese," Heero was done laughing and decided to join into this unusual little scene.  
  
"Tasted more like cheesy, watery crap with big nasty chunks stuck all in it."  
  
Duo and Heero deadpanned then they said together, "You have been in the US way too long."  
  
"So have you! Look at him," Zechs gestured to Heero who was lounging against a wall.  
  
"What about me?"  
  
"Since when to you say more the five words in a sentence? And since when you laugh when you not killing something?"  
  
"Since I moved in here with the five of you bozos."  
  
Zechs and Duo looked at each other. Now it was their turn to say something together, "Hopeless."  
  
"Hey guys!" they heard Trowa come in and slam the back door. They never used the front.  
  
"We're back!" Quatre called as he followed his best friend with the sound of rustling grocery bags. "We got some decent food," the blonde paused to sniff the air, "Unlike whatever it is Duo is attempting to cook."  
  
"Cheesy, watery crap with big nasty chunks stuck all in it."  
  
"Thanks for that nugget of joy, Zechs," Trowa rolled his eyes, "You've been in the US way too long."  
  
"Why does everybody keep saying that?" Zechs muttered to himself.  
  
"Because it's true!" Wufei appeared to be done with whatever it was he was doing in the computer room.  
  
"My goodness, aren't we grumpy!" Duo teased from the kitchen as Wufei sent him a death glare. "I know you're glaring at me, so stop you stuck up egg roll."  
  
"Guys, coming from a family with more girls in the house than Puffy, I can honestly tell you that this place is a wreck," Quatre began rummaging through the wreckage on the floor. "Maybe we should hire a maid or something."  
  
"Good luck with that, this place has gotten to the point of stinking. My lord, the floor actually smells from the mold we've ground into it," Zechs kicked away an aging pizza box that was probably from A.C. 142.  
  
Duo tried to slam the lid of the trashcan down over the macaroni that was now a strange yellow-green, "As much as I hate to admit it, this place needs a woman's touch."  
  
Wufei glanced at Zechs, "Well, we all know that we got at least one woman who could help us."  
  
"What's that supposed to mean?" Zechs did not like the way Wufei was looking at him like a hungry jackal.  
  
"We all know a certain Lieutenant Noin has a certain Lightning Count wrapped around her pinkie finger," Trowa was feeling talkative today.  
  
"It's just that way, too. If you think that she'd even consider trying to clean up this wasteland, you'd be dead wrong."  
  
"Well, in the case of women, Hilde is a hard working girl as well," Quatre mentioned as he and Trowa put the crappy food they bought away.  
  
"Don't get on my Hilde, Lil' Q, you've got 29 sisters that need to get away from that mansion of yours. Not to mention 40 old guys to aid your every call." Duo, playing chef for the day, tossed the macaroni dish in the sink again and tried to get the radioactive cheese off of it.  
  
Trowa quirked an eyebrow at the rest of the group, "Let's see, do you think 71 people could actually do anything to this house?"  
  
The God of Death, giving up in the sink, set the dish in the overflowing dishwasher and glanced at his comrades, "Better call Sally and Catherine, too."  
  
"Don't you think 73 is a bit of an overkill, not to mention us, so 79 people? And if we get Une to help (which I can tell you now, isn't going to happen) 80? Okay that is overkill to the max."  
  
"Well, if Heero had said that, I would have gawked, but Quatre, you have a point. We can do this ourselves, right guys?" Zechs' comment got no response. Zechs' astonished look changed to that of the Lightning Count once again. "I shoulda known better than to ask you guys. Nothing but a bunch of sissies. How did you all become Gundam pilots? I mean, I know those instructor guys were a bit off their rockers, but to choose weaklings like you all.it makes me question their sanity."  
  
"What's that supposed to mean?" Wufei of course was the first to prove his manhood.  
  
"It means, coward," Zechs sneered, "That I don't know how those weirdos coulda found really masculine looking girls to be Gundam pilots. They couldn't even find pretty girls.well, never mind, I forgot about Duo." There was a moment of shocked silence while Zechs' words sunk in. Wufei, being the closest to the man and the one with the most pride, struck first.  
  
"You damn son of a--!" Zechs laughed as he danced around Wufei's infuriated blows.  
  
"Girl?" Duo joined in with Wufei. "Hey, buddy, if you wanna see a pretty girl go check out that chic in the mirror!"  
  
"Okay! Okay! CALM DOWN!" Zechs wrestled Wufei off and managed to shove Duo away as Heero was coming in for the kill. "I think you all get it. What I'm saying is that we can handle this just peachy on our own. Yes, 80 people to one garbage dump is an overkill, besides we manly men can handle a little cleaning, right?" He then added pointedly to Wufei, who was still fuming, "We don't need our women to take care of us, right?"  
  
"Okay, we see your point, but if you ever try to get a point across like that ever again." Heero's unsaid 'omae o korosu' hung heavily in the air.  
  
"Geez! I'm just using a little child psychology on ya, nothin' to get all worked up about!"  
  
Duo's mouth hung open for a second, "Okay that's it!" He pounced on Zechs, trapping him in a headlock. Zechs toppled over, laughing as Quatre joined in. Zechs pulled Duo off and set him roughly on top of Quatre. Trowa rushed in on behalf of his best bud and peeled Duo off, tossing him back to Zechs who was wrestling with Wufei at the moment. All in all, the six guys were pretty much one big mass of laughing guys when Noin walked in.  
  
"What am I going to do with you all?"  
  
Those simple words made the scene freeze. Zechs slowly looked up from underneath Quatre while five other stares followed his example.  
  
"Noin?" Zechs' voice was sheepish and muffled in the carpet, or pizza box, depending on how you looked at it.  
  
"What was this, um, tackle over?" a dark platinum black eyebrow was perfectly arched in the dog pile's direction.  
  
"He called us little girls," Heero's voice surprisingly came from beneath Wufei, who had him in a painful-looking headlock.  
  
"Oh, I see. What a perfect reason to bury someone, a stupid and clichéd insult," Noin's sarcastic tone caused the guys to actually look around and see how ridiculous they looked. Zechs' face was smashed into the floor by Trowa's butt, Quatre was pinning down Zechs' legs and Duo was pulling Quatre off of Zechs. Heero was yanking on Duo's braid from his position beneath Wufei in the previously mentioned headlock. Noin found this gathering extremely amusing. 


End file.
